Thursday, September 9, 2010

God of Purpose

In the mornings on my drive into work I usually listen to a local Christian radio station. On the days that I don't take my son to school, I leave a little earlier for work and get to hear a "Word with Beth Moore", which I absolutely love!!!

Today, Beth stated that God is not a God of coincidence but a God of purpose. I have heard this before in other messages, but it spoke loudly to me today. She stated that when we are going through a specific circumstance, it is not coincidence that the Sunday Sermon, or Bible Fellowship, or Devotion speaks to us directly about that circumstance. God's Word is a word of purpose and is delivered to us at that exact moment when we need it. Those words made me really stop and think.

This has been a light week at work. Monday, of course, was a holiday. Today one of our physicians and the nurse practitioner was off, so we did not have any patients scheduled in the clinic. It has been a good week to take to catch up on things.

As I was walking back into the office after going to the mail room, I recognized one of patients in the hallway outside of our office. As I approached him, he was talking to another man and it was very evident that the man was witnessing to him. As I got closer, I saw the man offer him a gospel tract by Billy Graham, which he graciously accepted.

I entered the office through the back door about the time the patient entered through the front. He thought he had an appointment today. When the receptionist explained that there were no doctors in the office today, he pulled out his appointment card and realized the appointment was not until next week!

I had to stop and smile. I had just witnessed a divine appointment. God is not a God of coincidence but a God of purpose. His Purpose is to further His Kingdom!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Life with a Cupcake

Confession. I have been living the past 18 years with a cupcake! This week her Dad and I took her to college. I thought I would share one of our conversations on the drive to her college.

Cupcake: Puts on her sunglasses, throws her head back and proudly states: "This is the best decision I have ever made in my life!"

Me: "Oh...going to ETSU?"

Cupcake: With an expression that meant there was an eye roll behind those glasses: "No! Getting my hair permed. Now I just have to shower, scrunch and go to class!"

Of course! What was I thinking? Cupcakes...you gotta love them!


"He fills my life with good things." Psalms 103:5 TLB

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Not Good Enough

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was 10 years old when I realized that I didn't want to go to hell. I call that my "fire insurance" experience. For the next 13 years, I spent my life trying to be "good."

Being the middle "girl" and having so many siblings in a mixed family, I quickly found my "niche" as being the good child. At a very early age I became an over-achiever, especially in school. My elementary school held a graduation ceremony for all sixth graders before they entered middle school. At this ceremony, the graduating students were recognized with various awards. I made it my goal to receive as many awards as I could. I was honored for winning two writing essays from the Daughter's of American Revolution , placing in an Osali poetry contest, as well as many, many others. I remember my name being called so much that there were sighs (and eye rolls) from parents and other students in the audience. Regardless, I was so proud of myself. I still have the scrapbook of awards today! (Can you say...geek???)

Entering middle school I soon realized that it was not so cool to be such an academic achiever. As with all adolescent kids, middle school was a very awkward time for me. I was very consumed with what other people thought of me and I continued doing everything that I could to be "good". By high school I had succeeded with building my reputation of "the good girl". I worked very hard for that reputation and I honestly wanted to be good. I did not want to disappoint anyone. My parents, friends, teachers or God.

However, my senior year of high school I decided that "being good" was just not working out for me. I was tired of being known as "good". While my group of friends were popular, dating, etc., I was known as "the nice girl". I was actually voted "Most Courteous" by my senior class. Not best looking, wittiest, best dressed...but just nice. It was then that I made a decision that I needed to do something. My parents were very strict and I was not allowed to do many of the things that my friends were doing. However, I found rebellion in other ways.

After graduation I felt I had rebelled against everything that I had believed and I had grown far away from God. A few months after graduation I began dating my husband and we married a few years later. We had started attending church when while were dating and once again, I began the same relationship with God--I continued on the path of trying to do "good."

We were very active in church and I even taught Sunday School, Children's Church and helped with Vacation Bible School. However, I knew in my heart that something was wrong and missing. The more good things that I did, the worse that I felt. Our pastor's wife had given her testimony time after time of how she thought she was saved at a younger age, only to realize as a pastor's wife she was not.

I talked to God about this a lot. I knew I had gone down an aisle in church not wanting to go to hell, was baptized and felt or hoped that was enough. I had spent all of my life, with the exception of my senior year, pleasing others and trying to do and be "good" and surely that was enough. I spent months struggling and wrestling with God. I could not understand why I was feeling lost. I also did not want to share this with anyone because I was worried about what others would say.

Finally, one September morning sitting in church, I went forward. I finally got it! Christainity is not just knowing that there is a Christ. It is not a religion. It is not what I could do for God or how good I could be to obtain a place in heaven. It was (and is) about a relationship. It is about what Christ did for me and I realized that there was nothing I could do to earn salvation, but it is a gift from God. I simply am just not good enough. No matter how hard I tried, how many awards I won, or what offices I held in the church.

I am not perfect and everyone who knows me knows that. However, I am grateful that I am a child of God and that He loves "ME" for the real me. I honestly believe that there are many people who are like me. Trying to serve and do good things so others will see how worthy they are and what a good "Christian" they are. However, they have missed the point and they do not have a relationship with the Lord at all. I would encourage them to search it out in earnest prayer and then surrender. The Lord will definitely show you and give you peace in knowing that you are forever His.

This, was and is, the greatest decision that I have ever made!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Fire Insurance

Growing up I remember my mom always taking me and my siblings to church. My stepfather never went, but it was always important to my mother that we go. She grew up in a very strict Christian family and my grandfather was a Deacon. My grandmother sang in church and from what I gathered their family was very involved in church when she was growing up.

My earliest memories of attending church though were with my neighbor. I remember my mother getting me, my sister and brother dressed and sending us out the door with our neighbors. I remember the church was small and hot. I also remember always taking a nap every Sunday. I think I must have been around 4 at the time.

A few years later, my mother started taking us to our step-grandfather's church. He was a minister and preached at a small "mission". I am not sure why it was called "mission", but it was possibly because it was not a church building but the upstairs of an old grocery store that he rented. For some reason that I don't know or can't remember, we only had church at 3:00 pm on Sunday when he was at this location. My step-father attended this church only once upon the prodding of my grandmother. It was one Easter morning and he never went back again.

We continued to go church. Eventually my step-grandfather moved to another building which was actually a church. There he had normal church services and we attended pretty regularly. However, for some reason we started attending yet another church. This was my "home" church and the one that I remember most.

I have very fond memories of Bethel Baptist. The church always had a wonderful VBS. In Sunday School we had Bible Drills, which I loved! I loved trying to be the first to find a particular scripture and read it. Of course, there were several church camps I attended too. Also, I had a very special Sunday School teacher who dedicated her time and love to teach the same group of girls for years.

One of my most vivid memories is of a play production, THE GATES OF HELL. I was so excited to see this play because there was so much hype about it. However, I had no idea what I was in store for!

I was around 10 years old at the time. My brother and sister who were both older than me, had professed their salvation and been baptized. I was so concerned because I had not. My mother kept telling me to not worry, because when the time came, I would know that the Lord was calling me to salvation.

Her consolitations and assurances didn't help much. I was always the child who wanted to please. I liked to be the first at anything and the best. Most of all, I loved positive affirmation and I strived to get it any way that I could!

The play left a huge impression. Again, I was only 10 and I am sure the acting and scenes were very amautuer, but to me they were so real! There was a curtain pulled across the front of the church . People that I knew, elders in the church, were going down to their final judgment. I don't really remember anyone going forward and going to heaven. They probably didn't given the name of the title. However, the actors did such a good job in portraying hell! My most vivid memory is when one lady, who used to scare me anyway, let out a blood curdling scream and begged and begged to not be taken into hell.

It was then that I knew that I needed to do something! In my mind, I needed fire insurance! God's call or not, there was no way that I was going to go to hell. I made a decision that day and went forward like my my brother and sister and so many of my friends had done.

That day, I received fire insurance. I had nightmares for weeks about hell. I still shudder today thinking about the play and and way that hell was portrayed. I know in my heart that no play can portray what hell is really like it. I believe that hell is much worse than our minds can matter. I believe that it is a real place. I believe this, because I believe the Bible!

I was sure glad that I had gone forward that day at church. However, this "decision" at 10 years old that I made "on my own" haunted me for years. I had fire insurance, as the years passed, I learned that this was not enough.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Swapping Seats

I know my last post I mentioned that my next post would be about the greatest thing or event that has ever taken place in my life. Since I have posted, I have honestly been at a loss for words! I believe that eventually I will write about that, but today I am going to write about swapping seats.

When my kids were younger, they would always fight over who was going to sit in the front seat of the car. One would call out “shot-gun” and they both would dash to see if which one could actually get in the seat first. I don’t know what makes sitting in the front seat so special, but this was often an issue that needed resolving before we would go anywhere.

Our society is much the same way. We always put so much emphasis on getting the “best seat in the house”. This is true whether we are going to a ball game, movie, play, etc. We always want to be sure that we get the best seat, front and center, and have the best view of what is going on.

This is also true of us in our spiritual nature as well. Often times we want to the “driver’s seat” and control in our own lives. I have been guilty of this so many times. We take the seat and navigate where “we” want to go. However, God may have other plans for our lives. As we are trying to hold on and control our lives, sometimes there are things that happen that are simply out of our control. These events are happen without us ever being able to predict or imagine them. During those times, we then know that we are not in control, but God is in control of our lives.
Today when I was driving back from a lunch meeting, I took the back roads. As I was enjoying the warmth of the sunshine and the scenery on a country road, I noticed an old church at the side of the road. I love to read church signs and living in the South there are certainly many of those around! Their church sign read: “If God is your co-pilot: Switch Seats!”

I remember those bumper stickers a few years back, but when I absorbed what the sign said, it made total sense! So many times we put God as the co-pilot in our life as we are trying to find our way through. We need to switch seats! God is the pilot of our lives, and not just the co-pilot! He is in control!

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Monday, June 21, 2010

The Reason I Blog

I have written a personal journal or kept a diary since I was a young girl until I had children. When I had my first child, my intention was to journal everything down for her so that when she went away to college or if I died or some tragic reason or time of need, she would have a legacy. Something to look back upon and find memories of her childhood, time spent with me and her father, and motherly advice. Unfortunately, life got in the way. Cleaning bottles, changing diapers and life just took priority over writing.

A few years ago, I was feeling as though I needed to start writing again. This time, I felt led to write down the times that God has been faithful and ever present in my life. To me this was for my own confirmation to go back to at times when I was struggling. After all, the Bible tells us of God’s faithfulness. Honestly, I need those reminders.

So I began writing about the times that God has been faithful in my life. I wrote about things only God could do in my life and the times that He has presented Himself so real. Then I found a friend’s blog and became captivated. I decided that I too would blog, but would not share it with anyone. I would keep these stories tucked away in my blog land and no one would ever know.

Fast forward to today. I feel led by the Lord to share my blog with others. This was never my intention. (Don’t say never…you always end up doing what you never thought you would. That has been evident in my life more times than once.) However, my blog started out merely as my own secret diary. Everyone knows that when anyone publishes anything on the internet, it is not secret! With the help of search engines, you can find just about anything. However, I vowed to never, ever tell anyone about my blog.

I have shared my blog with a few close friends from time to time. Again, my intention was never to share it with the world. I have had an internal battle and struggle with the Lord over the past few months over this very thing. Recently my pastor preached a message on obedience. He stated partial obedience is not obedience. It is no longer enough that I just secretly write about God. I must also share about God. With that said, I have decided to post “I blog here…” on my Facebook page.

So now for my ultimate disclaimer, if you read my blog expecting some great literary author, you will not find that. In other words, I am not perfect and my writing is not perfect. I fail everyday. However, my God is perfect! He is loving and forgiving. I thank God that His Mercies are new to me each day.

My next posting will be about the “greatest” thing that has ever happened in my life! I hope you enjoy, but most of all, I pray that God will be glorified in all that I do.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Abba Father

My father died when I was one year old. My mother remarried when I was four. My stepfather was a good provider for our basic needs, but he was not an affectionate person and never provided emotional support. My stepfather and mother had been married before she married my dad, but he had left. The biggest unspoken fear in our home was that one day he might leave again. I lived with that fear and instability as a young child. Needless to say, I had many insecurities.

Growing up I struggled with who I was. I was very different from my other siblings. I longed to know my real father--my biological father. What was he like? Was I like him? I had heard many different stories about him. Most were good but not all. I had always been told that he was in Heaven with Jesus. (Later in life my grandmother gave me a letter that he had written to her years before giving her his testimony of salvation. I praise God that it was true!)

At some point in my childhood I made a connection. If my "real" father was important enough that Jesus wanted him to come and live with him, then I must be special too. I used to look into the heavens, especially at night, and "see" heaven. I could see God, Jesus and my dad and they were all watching over me. They were protecting me. This eased my fears and helped me to feel secure. I remember closing my eyes, running to my father (God), and getting big hugs and affirmation from Him. I imagined crawling up on His lap. I could feel Him wrap his arms around me. I knew things would be okay.

I believe that it was during this time that the Psalm 68:5 became very real to me. Although I did not learn this scripture much later, it's truth in my life was very evident. God is a father to the fatherless and husband to the widow. God was my father. He was the Provider of the needs that I did not have met by my stepfather. He was a part of me. I was His child. Special. Chosen. God chose my real father. Therefore, I felt He chose me too.

As an adult, God is still my Abba Father. He is there when I need Him. He is there when I cry out. Lately my heart has been burdened. There have not been any real significant traumatic events in my life. I am burdened for the ones I see making wrong choices, fearful as my daughter is about to move off to college, hurt for others who are hurting.

I close my eyes. The tears stream down my face. I see Him sitting there. He is waiting for me, just as He was so many years ago. His arms are outstretched. I run to Him. I sit on His lap and bury my face. I sob and words don't come. I feel His arms wrap around me. Once again, I am safe. I am secure. I am resting in His arms. I am with my Abba Father.

But you, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head. Psalm 3:3

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Mountain Blessing Getaway

"Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting
You are God."
Psalms 90:2

This weekend our family took a short trip to the mountains. I often say that I feel the mountains calling me, and had looked forward to our weekend getaway. Although not a far distance, it is far enough away from the hustle and bustle of every day life that it really regenerated my soul. To me, the mountains proclaim God's glory and majesty. We stayed at a wonderful cabin and got to see first hand God's beautiful creation.
We awoke to this view Sunday morning...


After the rainbow, the "smoke" came rolling in...




Cascade Falls...
we were too scared to hike to Laurel Falls, but maybe next time!


A six-point buck spotted on Sugarland's Nature Trail hike