As I mentioned in my previous post, I was 10 years old when I realized that I didn't want to go to hell. I call that my "fire insurance" experience. For the next 13 years, I spent my life trying to be "good."
Being the middle "girl" and having so many siblings in a mixed family, I quickly found my "niche" as being the good child. At a very early age I became an over-achiever, especially in school. My elementary school held a graduation ceremony for all sixth graders before they entered middle school. At this ceremony, the graduating students were recognized with various awards. I made it my goal to receive as many awards as I could. I was honored for winning two writing essays from the Daughter's of American Revolution , placing in an Osali poetry contest, as well as many, many others. I remember my name being called so much that there were sighs (and eye rolls) from parents and other students in the audience. Regardless, I was so proud of myself. I still have the scrapbook of awards today! (Can you say...geek???)
Entering middle school I soon realized that it was not so cool to be such an academic achiever. As with all adolescent kids, middle school was a very awkward time for me. I was very consumed with what other people thought of me and I continued doing everything that I could to be "good". By high school I had succeeded with building my reputation of "the good girl". I worked very hard for that reputation and I honestly wanted to be good. I did not want to disappoint anyone. My parents, friends, teachers or God.
However, my senior year of high school I decided that "being good" was just not working out for me. I was tired of being known as "good". While my group of friends were popular, dating, etc., I was known as "the nice girl". I was actually voted "Most Courteous" by my senior class. Not best looking, wittiest, best dressed...but just nice. It was then that I made a decision that I needed to do something. My parents were very strict and I was not allowed to do many of the things that my friends were doing. However, I found rebellion in other ways.
After graduation I felt I had rebelled against everything that I had believed and I had grown far away from God. A few months after graduation I began dating my husband and we married a few years later. We had started attending church when while were dating and once again, I began the same relationship with God--I continued on the path of trying to do "good."
We were very active in church and I even taught Sunday School, Children's Church and helped with Vacation Bible School. However, I knew in my heart that something was wrong and missing. The more good things that I did, the worse that I felt. Our pastor's wife had given her testimony time after time of how she thought she was saved at a younger age, only to realize as a pastor's wife she was not.
I talked to God about this a lot. I knew I had gone down an aisle in church not wanting to go to hell, was baptized and felt or hoped that was enough. I had spent all of my life, with the exception of my senior year, pleasing others and trying to do and be "good" and surely that was enough. I spent months struggling and wrestling with God. I could not understand why I was feeling lost. I also did not want to share this with anyone because I was worried about what others would say.
Finally, one September morning sitting in church, I went forward. I finally got it! Christainity is not just knowing that there is a Christ. It is not a religion. It is not what I could do for God or how good I could be to obtain a place in heaven. It was (and is) about a relationship. It is about what Christ did for me and I realized that there was nothing I could do to earn salvation, but it is a gift from God. I simply am just not good enough. No matter how hard I tried, how many awards I won, or what offices I held in the church.
I am not perfect and everyone who knows me knows that. However, I am grateful that I am a child of God and that He loves "ME" for the real me. I honestly believe that there are many people who are like me. Trying to serve and do good things so others will see how worthy they are and what a good "Christian" they are. However, they have missed the point and they do not have a relationship with the Lord at all. I would encourage them to search it out in earnest prayer and then surrender. The Lord will definitely show you and give you peace in knowing that you are forever His.
This, was and is, the greatest decision that I have ever made!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Fire Insurance
Growing up I remember my mom always taking me and my siblings to church. My stepfather never went, but it was always important to my mother that we go. She grew up in a very strict Christian family and my grandfather was a Deacon. My grandmother sang in church and from what I gathered their family was very involved in church when she was growing up.
My earliest memories of attending church though were with my neighbor. I remember my mother getting me, my sister and brother dressed and sending us out the door with our neighbors. I remember the church was small and hot. I also remember always taking a nap every Sunday. I think I must have been around 4 at the time.
A few years later, my mother started taking us to our step-grandfather's church. He was a minister and preached at a small "mission". I am not sure why it was called "mission", but it was possibly because it was not a church building but the upstairs of an old grocery store that he rented. For some reason that I don't know or can't remember, we only had church at 3:00 pm on Sunday when he was at this location. My step-father attended this church only once upon the prodding of my grandmother. It was one Easter morning and he never went back again.
We continued to go church. Eventually my step-grandfather moved to another building which was actually a church. There he had normal church services and we attended pretty regularly. However, for some reason we started attending yet another church. This was my "home" church and the one that I remember most.
I have very fond memories of Bethel Baptist. The church always had a wonderful VBS. In Sunday School we had Bible Drills, which I loved! I loved trying to be the first to find a particular scripture and read it. Of course, there were several church camps I attended too. Also, I had a very special Sunday School teacher who dedicated her time and love to teach the same group of girls for years.
One of my most vivid memories is of a play production, THE GATES OF HELL. I was so excited to see this play because there was so much hype about it. However, I had no idea what I was in store for!
I was around 10 years old at the time. My brother and sister who were both older than me, had professed their salvation and been baptized. I was so concerned because I had not. My mother kept telling me to not worry, because when the time came, I would know that the Lord was calling me to salvation.
Her consolitations and assurances didn't help much. I was always the child who wanted to please. I liked to be the first at anything and the best. Most of all, I loved positive affirmation and I strived to get it any way that I could!
The play left a huge impression. Again, I was only 10 and I am sure the acting and scenes were very amautuer, but to me they were so real! There was a curtain pulled across the front of the church . People that I knew, elders in the church, were going down to their final judgment. I don't really remember anyone going forward and going to heaven. They probably didn't given the name of the title. However, the actors did such a good job in portraying hell! My most vivid memory is when one lady, who used to scare me anyway, let out a blood curdling scream and begged and begged to not be taken into hell.
It was then that I knew that I needed to do something! In my mind, I needed fire insurance! God's call or not, there was no way that I was going to go to hell. I made a decision that day and went forward like my my brother and sister and so many of my friends had done.
That day, I received fire insurance. I had nightmares for weeks about hell. I still shudder today thinking about the play and and way that hell was portrayed. I know in my heart that no play can portray what hell is really like it. I believe that hell is much worse than our minds can matter. I believe that it is a real place. I believe this, because I believe the Bible!
I was sure glad that I had gone forward that day at church. However, this "decision" at 10 years old that I made "on my own" haunted me for years. I had fire insurance, as the years passed, I learned that this was not enough.
My earliest memories of attending church though were with my neighbor. I remember my mother getting me, my sister and brother dressed and sending us out the door with our neighbors. I remember the church was small and hot. I also remember always taking a nap every Sunday. I think I must have been around 4 at the time.
A few years later, my mother started taking us to our step-grandfather's church. He was a minister and preached at a small "mission". I am not sure why it was called "mission", but it was possibly because it was not a church building but the upstairs of an old grocery store that he rented. For some reason that I don't know or can't remember, we only had church at 3:00 pm on Sunday when he was at this location. My step-father attended this church only once upon the prodding of my grandmother. It was one Easter morning and he never went back again.
We continued to go church. Eventually my step-grandfather moved to another building which was actually a church. There he had normal church services and we attended pretty regularly. However, for some reason we started attending yet another church. This was my "home" church and the one that I remember most.
I have very fond memories of Bethel Baptist. The church always had a wonderful VBS. In Sunday School we had Bible Drills, which I loved! I loved trying to be the first to find a particular scripture and read it. Of course, there were several church camps I attended too. Also, I had a very special Sunday School teacher who dedicated her time and love to teach the same group of girls for years.
One of my most vivid memories is of a play production, THE GATES OF HELL. I was so excited to see this play because there was so much hype about it. However, I had no idea what I was in store for!
I was around 10 years old at the time. My brother and sister who were both older than me, had professed their salvation and been baptized. I was so concerned because I had not. My mother kept telling me to not worry, because when the time came, I would know that the Lord was calling me to salvation.
Her consolitations and assurances didn't help much. I was always the child who wanted to please. I liked to be the first at anything and the best. Most of all, I loved positive affirmation and I strived to get it any way that I could!
The play left a huge impression. Again, I was only 10 and I am sure the acting and scenes were very amautuer, but to me they were so real! There was a curtain pulled across the front of the church . People that I knew, elders in the church, were going down to their final judgment. I don't really remember anyone going forward and going to heaven. They probably didn't given the name of the title. However, the actors did such a good job in portraying hell! My most vivid memory is when one lady, who used to scare me anyway, let out a blood curdling scream and begged and begged to not be taken into hell.
It was then that I knew that I needed to do something! In my mind, I needed fire insurance! God's call or not, there was no way that I was going to go to hell. I made a decision that day and went forward like my my brother and sister and so many of my friends had done.
That day, I received fire insurance. I had nightmares for weeks about hell. I still shudder today thinking about the play and and way that hell was portrayed. I know in my heart that no play can portray what hell is really like it. I believe that hell is much worse than our minds can matter. I believe that it is a real place. I believe this, because I believe the Bible!
I was sure glad that I had gone forward that day at church. However, this "decision" at 10 years old that I made "on my own" haunted me for years. I had fire insurance, as the years passed, I learned that this was not enough.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Swapping Seats
I know my last post I mentioned that my next post would be about the greatest thing or event that has ever taken place in my life. Since I have posted, I have honestly been at a loss for words! I believe that eventually I will write about that, but today I am going to write about swapping seats.
When my kids were younger, they would always fight over who was going to sit in the front seat of the car. One would call out “shot-gun” and they both would dash to see if which one could actually get in the seat first. I don’t know what makes sitting in the front seat so special, but this was often an issue that needed resolving before we would go anywhere.
Our society is much the same way. We always put so much emphasis on getting the “best seat in the house”. This is true whether we are going to a ball game, movie, play, etc. We always want to be sure that we get the best seat, front and center, and have the best view of what is going on.
This is also true of us in our spiritual nature as well. Often times we want to the “driver’s seat” and control in our own lives. I have been guilty of this so many times. We take the seat and navigate where “we” want to go. However, God may have other plans for our lives. As we are trying to hold on and control our lives, sometimes there are things that happen that are simply out of our control. These events are happen without us ever being able to predict or imagine them. During those times, we then know that we are not in control, but God is in control of our lives.
Today when I was driving back from a lunch meeting, I took the back roads. As I was enjoying the warmth of the sunshine and the scenery on a country road, I noticed an old church at the side of the road. I love to read church signs and living in the South there are certainly many of those around! Their church sign read: “If God is your co-pilot: Switch Seats!”
I remember those bumper stickers a few years back, but when I absorbed what the sign said, it made total sense! So many times we put God as the co-pilot in our life as we are trying to find our way through. We need to switch seats! God is the pilot of our lives, and not just the co-pilot! He is in control!
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
When my kids were younger, they would always fight over who was going to sit in the front seat of the car. One would call out “shot-gun” and they both would dash to see if which one could actually get in the seat first. I don’t know what makes sitting in the front seat so special, but this was often an issue that needed resolving before we would go anywhere.
Our society is much the same way. We always put so much emphasis on getting the “best seat in the house”. This is true whether we are going to a ball game, movie, play, etc. We always want to be sure that we get the best seat, front and center, and have the best view of what is going on.
This is also true of us in our spiritual nature as well. Often times we want to the “driver’s seat” and control in our own lives. I have been guilty of this so many times. We take the seat and navigate where “we” want to go. However, God may have other plans for our lives. As we are trying to hold on and control our lives, sometimes there are things that happen that are simply out of our control. These events are happen without us ever being able to predict or imagine them. During those times, we then know that we are not in control, but God is in control of our lives.
Today when I was driving back from a lunch meeting, I took the back roads. As I was enjoying the warmth of the sunshine and the scenery on a country road, I noticed an old church at the side of the road. I love to read church signs and living in the South there are certainly many of those around! Their church sign read: “If God is your co-pilot: Switch Seats!”
I remember those bumper stickers a few years back, but when I absorbed what the sign said, it made total sense! So many times we put God as the co-pilot in our life as we are trying to find our way through. We need to switch seats! God is the pilot of our lives, and not just the co-pilot! He is in control!
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
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