I have written a personal journal or kept a diary since I was a young girl until I had children. When I had my first child, my intention was to journal everything down for her so that when she went away to college or if I died or some tragic reason or time of need, she would have a legacy. Something to look back upon and find memories of her childhood, time spent with me and her father, and motherly advice. Unfortunately, life got in the way. Cleaning bottles, changing diapers and life just took priority over writing.
A few years ago, I was feeling as though I needed to start writing again. This time, I felt led to write down the times that God has been faithful and ever present in my life. To me this was for my own confirmation to go back to at times when I was struggling. After all, the Bible tells us of God’s faithfulness. Honestly, I need those reminders.
So I began writing about the times that God has been faithful in my life. I wrote about things only God could do in my life and the times that He has presented Himself so real. Then I found a friend’s blog and became captivated. I decided that I too would blog, but would not share it with anyone. I would keep these stories tucked away in my blog land and no one would ever know.
Fast forward to today. I feel led by the Lord to share my blog with others. This was never my intention. (Don’t say never…you always end up doing what you never thought you would. That has been evident in my life more times than once.) However, my blog started out merely as my own secret diary. Everyone knows that when anyone publishes anything on the internet, it is not secret! With the help of search engines, you can find just about anything. However, I vowed to never, ever tell anyone about my blog.
I have shared my blog with a few close friends from time to time. Again, my intention was never to share it with the world. I have had an internal battle and struggle with the Lord over the past few months over this very thing. Recently my pastor preached a message on obedience. He stated partial obedience is not obedience. It is no longer enough that I just secretly write about God. I must also share about God. With that said, I have decided to post “I blog here…” on my Facebook page.
So now for my ultimate disclaimer, if you read my blog expecting some great literary author, you will not find that. In other words, I am not perfect and my writing is not perfect. I fail everyday. However, my God is perfect! He is loving and forgiving. I thank God that His Mercies are new to me each day.
My next posting will be about the “greatest” thing that has ever happened in my life! I hope you enjoy, but most of all, I pray that God will be glorified in all that I do.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Abba Father
My father died when I was one year old. My mother remarried when I was four. My stepfather was a good provider for our basic needs, but he was not an affectionate person and never provided emotional support. My stepfather and mother had been married before she married my dad, but he had left. The biggest unspoken fear in our home was that one day he might leave again. I lived with that fear and instability as a young child. Needless to say, I had many insecurities.
Growing up I struggled with who I was. I was very different from my other siblings. I longed to know my real father--my biological father. What was he like? Was I like him? I had heard many different stories about him. Most were good but not all. I had always been told that he was in Heaven with Jesus. (Later in life my grandmother gave me a letter that he had written to her years before giving her his testimony of salvation. I praise God that it was true!)
At some point in my childhood I made a connection. If my "real" father was important enough that Jesus wanted him to come and live with him, then I must be special too. I used to look into the heavens, especially at night, and "see" heaven. I could see God, Jesus and my dad and they were all watching over me. They were protecting me. This eased my fears and helped me to feel secure. I remember closing my eyes, running to my father (God), and getting big hugs and affirmation from Him. I imagined crawling up on His lap. I could feel Him wrap his arms around me. I knew things would be okay.
I believe that it was during this time that the Psalm 68:5 became very real to me. Although I did not learn this scripture much later, it's truth in my life was very evident. God is a father to the fatherless and husband to the widow. God was my father. He was the Provider of the needs that I did not have met by my stepfather. He was a part of me. I was His child. Special. Chosen. God chose my real father. Therefore, I felt He chose me too.
As an adult, God is still my Abba Father. He is there when I need Him. He is there when I cry out. Lately my heart has been burdened. There have not been any real significant traumatic events in my life. I am burdened for the ones I see making wrong choices, fearful as my daughter is about to move off to college, hurt for others who are hurting.
I close my eyes. The tears stream down my face. I see Him sitting there. He is waiting for me, just as He was so many years ago. His arms are outstretched. I run to Him. I sit on His lap and bury my face. I sob and words don't come. I feel His arms wrap around me. Once again, I am safe. I am secure. I am resting in His arms. I am with my Abba Father.
But you, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head. Psalm 3:3
Growing up I struggled with who I was. I was very different from my other siblings. I longed to know my real father--my biological father. What was he like? Was I like him? I had heard many different stories about him. Most were good but not all. I had always been told that he was in Heaven with Jesus. (Later in life my grandmother gave me a letter that he had written to her years before giving her his testimony of salvation. I praise God that it was true!)
At some point in my childhood I made a connection. If my "real" father was important enough that Jesus wanted him to come and live with him, then I must be special too. I used to look into the heavens, especially at night, and "see" heaven. I could see God, Jesus and my dad and they were all watching over me. They were protecting me. This eased my fears and helped me to feel secure. I remember closing my eyes, running to my father (God), and getting big hugs and affirmation from Him. I imagined crawling up on His lap. I could feel Him wrap his arms around me. I knew things would be okay.
I believe that it was during this time that the Psalm 68:5 became very real to me. Although I did not learn this scripture much later, it's truth in my life was very evident. God is a father to the fatherless and husband to the widow. God was my father. He was the Provider of the needs that I did not have met by my stepfather. He was a part of me. I was His child. Special. Chosen. God chose my real father. Therefore, I felt He chose me too.
As an adult, God is still my Abba Father. He is there when I need Him. He is there when I cry out. Lately my heart has been burdened. There have not been any real significant traumatic events in my life. I am burdened for the ones I see making wrong choices, fearful as my daughter is about to move off to college, hurt for others who are hurting.
I close my eyes. The tears stream down my face. I see Him sitting there. He is waiting for me, just as He was so many years ago. His arms are outstretched. I run to Him. I sit on His lap and bury my face. I sob and words don't come. I feel His arms wrap around me. Once again, I am safe. I am secure. I am resting in His arms. I am with my Abba Father.
But you, O LORD, are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head. Psalm 3:3
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Mountain Blessing Getaway
"Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting
or you brought forth the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting
You are God."
Psalms 90:2
This weekend our family took a short trip to the mountains. I often say that I feel the mountains calling me, and had looked forward to our weekend getaway. Although not a far distance, it is far enough away from the hustle and bustle of every day life that it really regenerated my soul. To me, the mountains proclaim God's glory and majesty. We stayed at a wonderful cabin and got to see first hand God's beautiful creation.
We awoke to this view Sunday morning...
After the rainbow, the "smoke" came rolling in...
Cascade Falls...
we were too scared to hike to Laurel Falls, but maybe next time!
A six-point buck spotted on Sugarland's Nature Trail hike
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Living in Darkness
This morning during my quiet time I was reading in John about Nicodemus questioning Jesus about salvation and being "born again". It was interesting to me because Nicodemus, a Jewish rabbi, knew that Jesus was sent by God but he was puzzled by how to come to salvation. However, this passage really stood out to me as I was reading:
18 “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. 19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” (New Living Translation)
My mind started to process this scripture and I had to ask myself a question..."Am I afraid of the dark?" The answer for me is NO! Actually I like the dark and I am quite comfortable there. I sleep best when it is dark. When the days get shorter and there is less light, I stay home more and go to bed earlier. I am very comfortable in the dark.
On the other hand, do I like the light? Yes, I love it. However, sometimes I would prefer dark (or dimly light). Darkness sometimes hides my flaws to others ... say, a blemish on the face or gray roots under my highlights (yes, it is true--I am not a natural blonde though should have been!)
So today I am asking myself and anyone else in blog-land reading this... are you afraid of the dark or are you comfortable there? Is sin keeping you in the dark? I think that often as Believers we find ourselves in a dark place but it is comfortable. To come to the light would be exposing our faults and our weaknesses. However, God is there in the warm light waiting to embrace and forgive us and ready to make His Light Shine through us... if we will just step out of the dark. Think about that!
18 “There is no judgment against anyone who believes in him. But anyone who does not believe in him has already been judged for not believing in God’s one and only Son. 19 And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. 20 All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.” (New Living Translation)
My mind started to process this scripture and I had to ask myself a question..."Am I afraid of the dark?" The answer for me is NO! Actually I like the dark and I am quite comfortable there. I sleep best when it is dark. When the days get shorter and there is less light, I stay home more and go to bed earlier. I am very comfortable in the dark.
On the other hand, do I like the light? Yes, I love it. However, sometimes I would prefer dark (or dimly light). Darkness sometimes hides my flaws to others ... say, a blemish on the face or gray roots under my highlights (yes, it is true--I am not a natural blonde though should have been!)
So today I am asking myself and anyone else in blog-land reading this... are you afraid of the dark or are you comfortable there? Is sin keeping you in the dark? I think that often as Believers we find ourselves in a dark place but it is comfortable. To come to the light would be exposing our faults and our weaknesses. However, God is there in the warm light waiting to embrace and forgive us and ready to make His Light Shine through us... if we will just step out of the dark. Think about that!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Summer, Summer
I thought I would share some pictures from our quick beach trip. We had not planned on taking a vacation this year, but Kaitlyn talked her Dad into it! This was actually her b-day present. She told him "17" is a milestone, it worked! For a few days we all got to enjoy her present... and her presence!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Queen Ant
Our nephew Carson, who is four, came down to play the other day.
Our conversation went something like this,
Our conversation went something like this,
"Aunt Gina, there was a Queen Ant on my porch today!"
"Really, you had a Queen Ant on your porch?"
"Yeah, it had on an itty bitty crown", as he lifted his arms to head to illustrate.
The picture is of Carson's "REAL QUEEN AUNT"... me on my 40th b-day.
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